My Vocation Story Part 3 (Houston)

I've been very busy and it's been awhile, but I will pick up where I left off: starting seminary in Houston.

What is seminary like?  It’s been said there are two things you don’t want to know how they are made: sausages and priests.  It’s not quite that bad.  The first thing to say for sure is that each seminary is different.  Yes, there are some things that are universal, like classes, daily Mass, Morning and Evening prayer, but the particulars are unique.  Something as simple as daily or weekly schedule can vary widely.  For instance, in Houston, we had class Monday through Thursday with Friday as a formation day.  In Milwaukee, our formation day is Wednesday.  (Formation day basically means instead of regular classes, we have classes based on things like prayer or Mass practice.)  In Houston, we had Mass at 11:30.  In Milwaukee, we have Mass after Morning Prayer (around 7:15).  Of course there are other differences, but those are just a few examples.

By the way, in seminary we talk of four "pillars of formation."  These are: spiritual, human, intellectual, and pastoral.  There are debates over which is most important, but really a balance is needed.

My two years at St. Mary’s in Houston were a great formation experience.  The people were great, to begin with.  At St. Mary’s, rooms were, more or less, dependent on class.  So, First Theologians all lived on the same floor, for example.  Our Pre-Theology class was the first significant class in a long time, so we were kind of guinea pigs. Unlike other classes, we were spread out amongst all the others.  This ended up being a fantastic grace for me, because I lived with the Third Theologians.  They immediately accepted me and made me feel welcome.  I still remember the first Saturday I was there I was about to go out and get some dinner.  One of those men invited himself along.  While at first I was put off, after all, I am very independent, it ended up being the best thing.  It immediately pulled me out of myself.  By the way, everyone of course goes through adaptation issues when they enter seminary.  For me, the most difficult thing was living in community.  I had lived by myself, more or less, for 10 years.  It had only increased my natural self-dependency.  Now, all of a sudden, I lived on a floor with about 15 other men, sharing a bathroom with a handful of toilets and three showers.  Forget independence, now your life is controlled by another.  I became so close to that class that when they were ordained the following year I joked that my class was leaving me.

 The seminary is really beautiful

Our philosophy classes were not at the seminary but rather at the nearby University of St. Thomas (as might be expected, they were extremely Thomistic, not a bad thing for a future priest).  This meant that the Pre-Theologians carpooled four days a week.  Whether we wanted to or not, this forced us to become close.  Thankfully, I was part of a great group of guys.  Each one pushed me to grow in some way.

What kind of philosophy classes?  That was the question that they were still working out (as I said, guinea pigs).  There were kind of two groups of classes.  On the one hand, there were the historical philosophy classes (Ancient, Medieval, Modern Philosophy).  Then there were the thematic philosophy classes (Metaphysics, Philosophy of God, Philosophy of Man, Epistemology, etc.).  Most people expected that they would be easy for me.  Alas, philosophy is a very different field of study from history.  For the most part I figured things out, but it was not easy.  At the same time we had a few classes in theology and liturgy, as well as Spanish.

I have often said this, and it is very true: the most important book I read in Pre-Theology was Joseph Ratzinger’s The Spirit of the Liturgy.  This book gave me a completely different look on the Liturgy.  On top of that, I became involved in the Schola.  Our Schola leader/Liturgist was one of the most important people in my formation.  Between Ratzinger and Schola, I began to understand that the “normal Catholic” idea of Liturgy was way off what it should be.  I had only gone to the Latin Mass once before joining seminary, and I did not like it because I did not understand what was going on.  Even in seminary, the first time I went I was turned off.  But then I started learning about the theology behind it, and realized how rich it was.  This was a hugely important part of my Pre-Theology formation.  I wanted to make sure that, if I were to be ordained, I would do Liturgy the right way, not necessarily the way people have become used to.  Schola, by the way, was hard work.  We met at least twice a month for two hours.  It was well worth the work, since we sang at least two Sundays a month and some other major Liturgies.  Again, hard work, but fulfilling.  Beyond the work, I was able to be around some of the best people I have ever known.

Read this book

Overall, my years at St. Mary’s were good years.  That being said, I gradually realized that I was not meant to be in Houston.  I have written already on this blog a longer account of my discernment process.  Essentially, by the end of my first year, I was on the fence.  That summer, I went to a summer long formation program in Omaha called Institute for Priestly Formation.  Long story short, a lot of guys love IPF.  I liked parts of it.  At the beginning there is an eight-day silent retreat where you meet with a spiritual director every day.  This was great.  The rest of the summer is basically classes on various aspects of priestly spirituality.  It is heavily based on Ignatian Spirituality.  A bit too heavy, in my opinion.  By the July 4^th holiday, at least, I was ready to go.  The best parts of the summer, outside of the retreat, was getting to know seminarians from all over the country and being able to visit a few Midwestern spots.  That Independence Day, I stayed a few days in St. Louis at their beautiful seminary and was able to attend a few Cardinals games and Cahokia National Park.  I took a day trip to see the Field of Dreams in Dyersville, Iowa, as well as the surprise find of their amazing basilica.  I was also able to go to an Astros game in Kansas City, one of my favorite ballparks.  Oh yes, then of course Omaha is the home of the College World Series (unfortunately the Aggies just missed it).  So it wasn’t a lost summer.  There was lots of baseball.

 St. Louis Cathedral: perhaps most beautiful church in US

Dyersville Basilica

There was another importance of this summer.  I was reminded of how much I liked the Midwest.  This was very influential on my discernment for a new diocese.  Having family from Wisconsin, I looked into the dioceses there.  Through my own research, as well as the encouragement of some of my friends, I began to focus on Madison.  I was able to visit that Christmas, and immediately felt comfortable.  That Spring, I sat on my big secret.  The funny thing was, a rumor began to spread in the seminary that I was to be sent to Rome for Theological studies.  I let it go, to throw people off the scent.  I figured a false rumor would keep people from finding about my plans to leave before I was ready to make it public.

I have to say that this decision, which could have become a major issue, was handled very well.  The diocese assured me of their support and did not “out” me before I was ready.  The same for the seminary.  Thankfully, those involved in the discernment process know it is just that: a process.  Men need time to think and pray about it.  It should be up to the individual to make their discernment public when he is ready.  Any kind of discernment decision should never be made public by someone else.

I was officially accepted to the Diocese of Madison on Holy Saturday.  I was able to finish out the school year before the transfer was official.  It was a bit awkward for some people, especially those who thought they should have known earlier (even if it was none of their business).  And, as with any big decision, some people took it personally.  But, on the whole, the transition went well.  After finishing in early May, I was able to stay around and attend a few ordinations for my “classmates.”  The first week of June, I officially moved to Madison and spent the summer at St. Bernard’s Parish in Madison, my new home parish.  It was a great experience, completely welcoming.

Justice League Review(ish)

I have been debating whether or not I would write about Justice League, and I have been in just enough arguments about it that I have to say something.

I really liked Justice League, and quite honestly I don’t get most of the grumbling about it.  One person I know (I won’t use names to protect the “innocent;” let’s call him Jean-Luc Picard) said that it’s worse than every Marvel movie.  This is just plain absurd.  I assume he meant the MCU, so not the Spider-man and X-Men movies (since it’s definitely better than at least Spider-man 3, Amazing Spider-man 2, X-Men Last Stand, Origins: Wolverine, Days of Futures Past, and Apocalypse).  So I figured I’d come up with a quick summation of how it compares to the MCU movies (yes means JL is better, no means the MCU movie is better):

Iron Man (maybe the best of the MCU, so no)

The Incredible Hulk (yes)

Iron Man 2 (absolutely)

Thor (yes)

Captain America (yes)

The Avengers (it’s pretty close, but slightly no; then again I’m not a huge fan of this movie)

Iron Man 3 (yes)

Thor: The Dark World (definitely)

Captain America: The Winter Soldier (solid no)

Guardians of the Galaxy (no)

Avengers: Age of Ultron (easily yes)

Ant-Man (probably not)

Captain America: Civil War (definitely not)

Doctor Strange (no, but close)

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (heck yes)

Spider-Man: Homecoming (no)

Thor: Ragnarok (since I saw these within a week, I can definitively say yes.  Many will disagree, but here’s my difference: I feel like MCU movies are now “an episode in a show I like” as someone else said, so I felt coming out of it like “eh, ok;” whereas I came out of JL excited)

At the same time I’m really tired of the Marvel vs. DC thing.  Can’t we like both?  So I’d rather talk about it compared to the other DC movies.  My rank of the newer DC movies, starting with the Nolan Dark Knight trilogy because, even though they aren’t technically part of the new universe, they still kicked off the whole thing and are close in tone.

1.      Wonder Woman

2.      The Dark Knight

3.      Justice League

4.      Batman v. Superman

5.      Batman Begins

6.      Man of Steel

7.      The Dark Knight Rises

8.      Suicide Squad

Obviously I rate it pretty highly.  Why did I like it?  I’ll try to make this brief.

First, the casting was perfect.  I really liked each of the characters and thought the actors portrayed them very well.  Probably the weakest was Cyborg, but even then Ray Fisher was very good.  They worked well together, too.  It seemed as though they were enjoying each other.  Ezra Miller and Jason Momoa were great additions.  As we have already seen, Ben Affleck and Gal Gadot continued to be great as Batman and Wonder Woman.

The action was great.  The first Wonder Woman scene was as good as anything in her movie, and she continues to be the biggest surprise to me (I did not follow WW before BvS, but since she has become one of my favorite superheroes.  The flashback scene was fantastic (spoiler alert: with the Green Lantern we did have the whole crew in the movie!).  The fight scene on Themyscira was great.  And the fight scenes with the whole league together was great to see them fighting together.  I even liked the whole Flash not wanting to fight thing.  It was also great to see Aquaman showing how he can even kick butt on land (and smile the whole time).

I loved how Danny Elfman integrated his Batman and Williams’ Superman themes, plus the Wonder Woman theme making it more orchestral.  One of my biggest complaints with the Nolan trilogy was how they got away from heroic music for a more atmospheric tone, and I hated that they extended that into Man of Steel and BvS.  Elfman has not done much great in the past decade, but this was like riding a bike for him.

Speaking of tone, I am glad that they have moved away from taking it too seriously.  My biggest complaint about Man of Steel was that they made Superman dour.  It was completely against character.  Batman, please go dark, Superman, he is supposed to be hopeful.  They trend started with Wonder Woman and was thankfully kept in Justice League.  Some of the comedy was a little off, but overall it was a welcome change.

There are some others, but I’ll stop there.  To deal with a couple of problems:

There’s the distinct tension between what Zack Snyder did and what Joss Whedon did.  It is unfortunate what happened in real life with Snyder and why he had to step down.  Whedon’s stamp was maybe a little too strong (see my comment about comedy falling flat).  That being said, I hope this is the end of Snyder in the DC movies.  He does some things very well (graphics, action) but these movies need more well-rounded directors.

Ok, Steppenwolf was a bit of a throw away.  I have two counters to that.  First, he was not as bad/forgettable as virtually every Marvel villain not named Loki.  Second, in a way I am glad he took a back seat since the focus was rightly on the league and how they came together.

Some people say it was a bit too rushed, and I slightly agree.  When I heard this was to be the shortest DC movie, I was hopeful.  They all have been a bit too long.  Unfortunately, the two hour mandate from the studio was too restrictive.  There seems to be a number of important scenes, mostly character development, that was cut.  I have heard that they are planning to release a much longer “Snyder-cut,” and I am very interested to see that.  Like BvS, I think it will only help make it better.

I know that there are other issues with the movie people have brought up, but I think they aren’t the big or other people have addressed them better.  Regarding the CGI’ed out mustache, I didn’t really notice it.  Overall, I thought the movie was fun, the actors were great, and they looked like they were having fun (ok, maybe not Affleck, but whatever).  I loved seeing the league working together.  I am very hopeful with what the final scene after the credits seems to be setting up.  I really hope Warner Brothers won’t nuke the whole thing because it’s “a bomb.”

My grade: 8/10

Houston Astros: World Champs

I should be sleeping right now, but I can't.  The Houston Astros have won the World Series.

Let me say that again, the Houston Astros have won the World Series.

Houston Astros: World Champs.

It's doesn't make any sense.  I have been waiting for this moment for 35 years.  I never thought it would happen, but it was a dream.  Now it's reality, and yet it feels more like a dream.

The Houston Astros won the World Series.

It is hard for me to describe what this means to me.  I have often said, and people usually take this as a joke, that baseball was my first love.  It's not really a joke.  And the Astros have always been my team.  Yes, my brother will point out that for a time I was a Mets fan, for reasons I don't really know (probably because he hated them so much when I was young that I had to like them).  And yes, I was a Red Sox fan, roughly from the time we lived there (mid-90s) until around the time of their second World Series when I realized it wasn't fun anymore.  And yes, I was even a fan for a few years in the 90s of the Padres, solely because of my favorite player Ken Caminiti.  But it's always been the Astros.

I recently had someone at the seminary ask me in complete bewilderment how I could like a sports team so much.  My answer was simple yet complex: passion.  I don't like to say this much, or even admit it, but I am a very passionate person.  I tend to go all in, or all out, on things.  And my first passion? The Astros.

And now they are World Champions.

I keep saying that because at some point it will sink in.  I grew up with the mediocre Astros.  I was not quite old enough in 1986, so for me the Astros were the late-80s, early-90s mix of minor talent and hangers-on.  I grew up with the likes of Billy Hatcher and Kevin Bass and Craig Reynolds and Jim Pankovits.  I also grew up with Nolan Ryan, the only answer for a generation of baseball fans in Texas to the question "who is your favorite player?"  We moved away in the mid-90s, so I missed some of those years, but we came back just in time for the longest stretch of sustained success in team history: the late 90s and early 00s.  But they never could get past those annoying Braves, which explains why I still hate them.  Then, in my first year in grad school, they somehow jumped the hurdle and made the World Series.  Of course, they ran into that mix of losers known as the White Sox and were promptly swept.  My only consolation to this day is that it was the closest World Series sweep in history.  They could have, and should have, won every game.  In some ways that made it worse.

When people talk about how amazing it was the Astros got to this place, they often mention the three years in a row of 100 losses and how that was tough to be a fan then.  Certainly it was, but for me the worst years were the years between the World Series and those 100 loss seasons when the team was directionless.  That's when it was really hard to watch.  Sure, they had my favorite player Lance Berkman.  And Roy Oswalt.  And later Hunter Pence.  But you also had to suffer through all of the over-the-hill veterans who commanded a ton of money and were awful.  Those were the Tadahito Iguchi and Carlos Lee and Carlos Pena years.  At least when they decided to scrap the team and rebuild from the bottom up, there was the feeling that they had a plan.  Still, it was hard to watch a glorified AAA team take the field.  But those years brought us this success.  Without it, there is no Carlos Correa, Lance McCullers, Alex Bregman, etc.  Heck, there's probably no Jose Altuve and certainly no Dallas Keuchel, who were given all the chances in the world to grow, chances they would not have had on contending teams.  (I'm not going to sully this celebration by bringing up a certain first baseman who was also given many opportunities and failed miserably each time.)

2015 was a tease.  They weren't ready to be successfully, but they were.  I can still remember sitting in the stands in my first playoff game, the Astros up late on the Royals, everybody sure that they were going to advance.  I still remember the slow bleed that turned into the most crushing loss I have ever witnessed in person.  It still hurts, though slightly less as I type this.

Last year was a disappointment.  But yet, there was still hope for the future, because we were in good hands.

Everybody knows that, thanks to Sports Illustrated, 2017 was supposed to be the year.  Even still, I tried to temper my expectations.  Even after they got off to the best start in franchise history, even as the offense set records and put up numbers not seen since the Ruth and Gehrig Yankees, I knew that in the playoffs, anything can happen.  Rarely does the best team win, it's usually the hottest.  And plus, as everyone kept reminding us, even with Keuchel and McCullers, the Astros still didn't have that "ace." 

We all know about the hurricane.  We know how the front office gave the city hope with the last second trade for Justin Verlander.  They made the playoffs, but still had a mountain to climb.

The Red Sox series brought hope.  Maybe the bats will show up, unlike the Biggio and Bagwell days.

The Yankees series brought a roller coaster of emotions, and huge questions about their performance on the road.  I cannot tell you how many times I knew they would lose, because that's what this franchise did.  And yet, they hung on.

And what can you say about the World Series?  Epic.  Classic.  Heartburn.  Exhaustion.  Deemed over multiple times.  Huge momentum swings, if that's even a thing.  Records shattered.  Loss of sleep.  Crushing loss.  Immense joy.  Numbness.

The Houston Astros are World Champions.

Thank you Jim Crane for being bold, taking a huge chance, and looking beyond immediate success, something many of us can learn from (I'm looking at you, politicians).

Thank you Jeff Luhnow for having a plan and sticking to it, even when fans and others couldn't see it.

Thank you A.J. Hinch, though I doubted you in the ALCS, you figured it out.

Thank you George Springer for reminding me why you're my favorite.

Thank you Jose Altuve, even if you did turn into Bagwell in the World Series.

Thank you Alex Bregman for having the greatest defensive performance in the World Series since Brooks Robinson.

Thank you Carlos Correa, Yuli Gurriel, Brian McCann, and even you Marwin Gonzalez and Josh Reddick.

Thank you Justin Verlander, Dallas Keuchel, Lance McCullers, Charlie Morton, Brad Peacock, et al.  Somehow you outdueled that "unhittable" Dodgers staff.  I will even try to thank you, Ken Giles.

This one is for all those guys who never quite put it together.  Cesar Cedeno, Jose Cruz, Alan Ashby, Glenn Davis, Kevin Bass, Mike Scott, J.R. Richard, Larry Dierker, Craig Biggio, Jeff Bagwell, Ken Caminiti, Mike Hampton, Moises Alou, Lance Berkman, Roy Oswalt, Billy Wagner, Wandy Rodriguez, and a host of others.  You all lit the fire and kept it burning.  The young guns finished the job.

I still cannot believe it.

The Houston Astros have won the World Series.

Astros September Review and Playoff Preview

Record: 21-8 (101-61) 21 games up

Average: Josh Reddick (.391)

Doubles: Marwin Gonzalez (11)

Triples: Cameron Maybin, Josh Reddick (1)

Home Runs: Brian McCann, George Springer (5)

Runs Batted In: Alex Bregman (18)

Stolen Bases: Cameron Maybin (4)

Walks: George Springer (15)

Strikeouts: Carlos Correa (21)

On Base Percentage: Josh Reddick (.459)

Slugging Percentage: Josh Reddick (.594)

On Base Plus Slugging: Josh Reddick (1.053)

Wins: Justin Verlander (5)

Losses: Chris Devenski, Dallas Keuchel (2)

Earned Run Average: Justin Verlander (1.06)

Saves: Ken Giles (7)

Innings Pitched: Justin Verlander (34)

Hits: Dallas Keuchel (27)

Earned Runs: Dallas Keuchel, Lance McCullers (10)

Home Runs: Dallas Keuchel, Brad Peacock, Justin Verlander (4)

Walks: Dallas Keuchel (12)

Strikeouts: Justin Verlander (43)

Walks Plus Hits Per Inning Pitched: Justin Verlander (0.647)

September was a big change from the low point of August.  The Astros finally got almost completely healthy (the notable exceptions of McCullers and the loss of Marisnick).  Speaking of Marisnick, I'm really bummed about his injury.  He may not have the biggest numbers, though this year was his best, but I love his presence on the team.  It seems like every time he plays he makes a difference.  I think he will be missed in the playoffs, though hopefully he can return if they advance far enough.

The Astros were able to wrap up the division fairly early, and so most of the month was about getting guys right for the playoffs.  Verlander had a heck of a month, almost reminiscent of Randy Johnson in 1998.  Correa was slow to getting back from injury, but really started to heat up towards the end of the month.  Altuve cemented another 200 hit season and another batting title (do people outside Houston recognize that he is the best hitter in the game?  Will he get his much-deserved MVP?).  The final two series saw the offense finally start to click, something that will hopefully carry over into October. 

It was great to officially knock out the Rangers, in commanding style, and to win 3 out of 4 against the Division Series opponent on their home turf.  Of course, records go out the window and anything can happen in the playoffs.  With Verlander, Keuchel, Peacock, and presumably McHugh, I think the rotation will be okay.  I also really like where the offense is right now.  That means the bullpen will be the key to a long playoff run.  If Devo, Harris, Musgrove, Giles, and company can pitch like they did in the first half, I like our chances.

Overall Grade: A-

Playoff Predictions:

AL Wild Card:  Yankees over Twins

NL Wild Card: Diamondbacks over Rockies

AL Division Series:     Indians over Yankees (3 games)

                                    Astros over Red Sox (4 games)

NL Division Series:     Diamondbacks over Dodgers (5 games)

                                    Nationals over Cubs (5 games)

AL Championship Series:       Astros over Indians (7 games)

NL Championship Series:       Nationals over Diamondbacks (5 games)

World Series:              Astros over Nationals (5 games)

MVP:                          Carlos Correa

Award Predictions:

AL MVP:        Jose Altuve

NL MVP:        Paul Goldschmidt

AL Cy Young:            Corey Kluber

NL Cy Young:            Max Scherzer

AL ROY:        Aaron Judge

NL ROY:        Cody Bellinger

Astros August Review

Record: 11-17 (80-53) 11.5 games up

Average: Alex Bregman (.345)

Doubles: Yuli Gurriel (8)

Triples: Alex Bregman (3)

Home Runs: Jose Altuve (6)

Runs Batted In: Alex Bregman (20)

Stolen Bases: Jose Altuve (7)

Walks: Alex Bregman (9)

Strikeouts: Derek Fisher, Jake Marisnick (24)

On Base Percentage: Alex Bregman (.395)

Slugging Percentage: Alexa Bregman (.584)

On Base Plus Slugging: Alex Bregman (.979)

Wins: Dallas Keuchel, Collin McHugh (2)

Losses: Mike Fiers (4)

Earned Run Average: Collin McHugh (2.94)

Saves: Ken Giles (5)

Innings Pitched: Dallas Keuchel (35.2)

Hits: Mike Fiers (36)

Earned Runs: Mike Fiers (27)

Home Runs: Mike Fiers (9)

Walks: Mike Fiers (16)

Strikeouts: Brad Peacock (36)

Walks Plus Hits Per Inning Pitched: Charlie Morton (1.200)

Wow, this was a bad month.  I predicted it would be the worst month of the year (hopefully it will be) but I did not expect this bad.  They started with three losses in a row to the Rays, followed by winning two out of three against the Blue Jays.  Then came the worst stretch of the season, with five losses in a row on the road including a sweep to the terrible White Sox.  It was only slightly better in the second half of the month, only because they didn't have any prolonged losing streaks. 

It's hard to pin it on any one thing.  Certainly injuries played their role, as the Astros are clearly missing Correa in the middle of the order.  In a lot of ways, the second half as been the opposite of the first half.  When they get good pitching, they can't hit.  When they hit, the pitching is terrible.  The bullpen certainly hasn't helped.  Overall, it's been difficult to watch.

The only real bright spot this month was Alex Bregman, who really lifted the rest of the offense.  Even Altuve had a bit of a slide.

Then, of course, there is the human side.  Hurricane Harvey has been a staggeringly horrific disaster.  It is understandable that the players have been effected as well.  It's hard to play a game when you're wondering about your family.

We must continue to pray for those affected by the hurricane.  As much as we can love and enjoy baseball, we can never forget that life goes on in other ways.

The final day of the month brought two surprises, one curious and the other potentially huge.  In the mid-afternoon, the Astros signed Cameron Maybin off waivers from the Angels.  It will be interesting to see where he slots in with the outfield, though rosters expand so that won't be an issue.  I suppose after the months Derek Fisher and Jake Marisnick had, they can use improvement.  He and Altuve are the league leaders in stolen bases, so they will have more speed on the paths.  He already made fans by tweeting "I'm ready to serve you, on & off the field."  Then boom went the dynamite.  Minutes before the end of the waiver trade deadline at minute, the Astros traded three of their top 11 prospects to the Tigers for Justin Verlander.  This trade had been rumored since before the initial trade deadline, but there were a lot of hang ups over prospects and money.  They were able to get it done, and didn't give up the top-top prospects to get him.  Hopefully this will solidify the rotation.  At least he brings postseason experience.

Oh, and Correa is expected to return either Sunday or Monday.  McCullers should be back shortly thereafter.

September outlook:  After a three-game homestand against the Mets, the Astros head out on a potentially killer roadtrip to their friends out West.  In the middle of the month, they return home for the final nine home games of the season against the Mariners, White Sox, and Angels.  The final seven include a three game trip to Arlington and four in Boston to finish it off.  There are a lot of playoff or potential playoff teams on this schedule, adding to the difficulty.  A more-or-less healthy team should be able to manage it ok.  Predicted record: 15-14.

Overall Grade: D

My Vocation Story, Part 2 (Teaching and Discernment)

Picking up where I left off…

I returned to Auburn and completed my PhD in May 2012.  I was now in my second year of trying to find full time employment, and nothing was happening.  Over three years, I applied to over 200 jobs and got a total of 2 interviews.  That's how bad it is in academy.  So I spent a year teaching part time at various colleges in Alabama and Georgia, including one north of Atlanta, about 2 hours away.  Nothing much else happened, until Christmas 2012.  I visited my parents as usual in Houston.  Then, out of nowhere, after a couple of daily Masses, two separate elderly women asked me if I had thought about being a priest.  When the first one asked, I basically laughed and said, no, not for me.  When the second one asked, I paused for a minute and thought, actually I never have really thought about it.  Thus began what I always call "the voice that wouldn't go away."  Now actually, this wasn't the first time a little old lady had asked me.  I remember one time in Auburn meeting a Daily Mass goer at the grocery store and she asked me then, but again I simply laughed and said no.  I always tell this story in my vocation talks so that people know, sometimes it's good to ask the question, especially if no one else has asked.  (Side note: my mom had been putting it in my ear for a few years.  "You know, if you want a job, there's always one open to you."  "Yeah mom, not for me."  She will tell you, I never listen to her until someone else says the same thing.)

I began to think about it a bit more.  In the spring, I went on a "come and see" excursion to a seminary in Louisiana.  This actually was a step back.  I felt completely out of place, for a couple of reasons.  For one, it seemed like everyone else there knew they were going to be priests.  I had to room with two other guys I didn't know, and the first question they asked me was: which diocese are you applying for?  Um, sorry, I'm just here to check it out.  Second, the guys were just so young.  It was a college seminary, so it was like spending a weekend with my students.  I came back pretty sure I wasn't going to go to the seminary.

But I wasn't completely shut off.  I also attended a "thinking about the priesthood" day at the parish.  It was pretty good, with a handful of priests, seminarians, and the bishop.  The theme was fear.  Everyone has fears about applying to the seminary and being a priest.  Their goal was to talk about those fears and dispel them.  It was actually a good experience.

I talked to a number of priests I knew.  They were encouraging.  In the end, I took the advice of my pastor.  Don't rush into it.  Take a year to do what you want to do (i.e. teach) and pray about it.  Ok, I can do that.  (Another side note: this was all going on during the time of Pope Benedict's resignation and the conclave.  In fact, I was meeting with my pastor when the white smoke appeared.  I remember distinctly before the meeting we talked about the fact that a vote was going on, but that a decision probably wouldn't happen.  HA!  I ended up sticking around the parish watching the TV with a couple of other random people who were around until the announcement of Pope Francis.  It was an interesting experience.)

So I had a plan, but I had no job.  I couldn't not afford to keep doing what I was doing (part-time jobs, even four of them, don't pay much), so I was going to have to move back home and teach part time in Houston.  Of course I could only find one job there, so I was going to have to figure out something else for income.  Here's your typical PhD, working at a book store/fast food restaurant.  Then, a slight miracle happened.  Less than a month before the fall semester was to start, and about two weeks before I was to move, I got a call from a university I didn't even remember applying to.  Grand Valley State University had one last full time position (three year renewable) open.  Was I interested?  Of course!  I quickly hopped on a plane, met with them, found an apartment, and flew back to finish packing.  (This was the great trip where I lost my driver's license at airport security.  Do you know how hard it is to travel without one?  It makes getting a rental car impossible, so I had to bum a ride from the chair of the department to find an apartment.  Luckily I had a picture student ID to get on the plane.)

Thus we transition to my discernment year.  Let me start by saying that I absolutely fell in love with Grand Rapids.  This despite the 114 inches of snow we got that winter, and the two full weeks of below zero temperatures.  It's a very nice city, just the right size, with everything you need.  And it only takes twenty minutes to get anywhere.  By that I mean it literally takes twenty minutes to get somewhere, no matter how far or how close.  It's weird like that.  I also loved the university and the department.  I loved teaching.  I was finally doing exactly what I wanted to do.  I was able to work sparingly on turning my dissertation into a book, getting the publication lined up, while starting on my next research project (I'm keeping that secret, since I'd still kind of like to do it in my massive spare time.)  All things considered, I was extremely happy and had no reason to change, unless I found a tenured position.

I did not forgo my promise to spend the year discerning, however.  After a lengthy search, I finally found a good parish for me (St. John Vianney, of course).  The pastor agreed to be my spiritual director.  He encouraged me to have a weekly Holy Hour at a perpetual adoration chapel on the other side of town (that meant I had to really want to go).  I began to read Thomas Kempis' Imitation of Christ (that's a doozy, every time I picked it up, it was exactly what I needed).  For some reason, even though I loved what I was doing, that voice would not stop.  Sometime shortly after Christmas, I came to the realization, with my spiritual director, that the only way I could know would be to try it.

This was not an easy realization.  The biggest hang up for me was that it had taken three years to find a full time job, doing what I wanted to do at a good school in a nice area.  I had to "break through" the ego and realize that, even if I discerned out, something good would come from my time in the seminary.  (I didn't break my ego that much.  My rationalization was that if I discerned out, the time in the seminary would help me get a job at a Catholic college.  No joke.)

Thus, I began to look into seminary.  The problem was, since I had moved around so much, I did not really feel as though I had a "home diocese."  (For those who are not Catholic, a diocese is essentially a governing district, centered around a city, with a bishop as the head.  Sometimes they are big; the whole state of South Carolina is the Diocese of Charleston; sometimes they are small; the Archdiocese of Washington, D.C. is D.C. and some of the surrounding area.  Archdiocese is simply a "more significant" diocese in the region.)  I had most recently lived the longest in the Diocese of Mobile, but that did not appeal to me.  Since I really liked Grand Rapids, I decided to meet with the vocations director.  He was very nice, certainly willing to talk with me, but he voiced a concern from experience.  He had originally studied for another diocese, before realizing he needed to be closer to home and transferring to Grand Rapids.  He told me I needed to go home, be near family.  If that didn't work out, then he would be willing to talk. 

I took his advice, and contacted the Archdiocese of Galveston-Houston, home for my parents.  Over spring break, I flew home to meet with them.  I began the application process, and had everything in relatively quickly.  I flew home another time for my official interview, and was accepted.  In the fall, I would begin seminary.  I'm kind of rushing through this, but will go into more detail about the application process and some thoughts on discernment the next time.

Astros July Review

Record: 15-9 (69-36) 16 games up

Average: Jose Altuve (.485)

Doubles: Alex Bregman (11)

Triples: Jose Altuve (1)

Home Runs: Marwin Gonzalez, Evan Gattis (6)

Runs Batted In: Jose Altuve (21)

Stolen Bases: Jose Altuve (8)

Walks: Alex Bregman (11)

Strikeouts: Marwin Gonzalez (21)

On Base Percentage: Jose Altuve (.523)

Slugging Percentage: Jose Altuve (.727)

On Base Plus Slugging: Jose Altuve (1.251)

Wins: Brad Peacock, Charlie Morton (4)

Losses: Lance McCullers (2)

Earned Run Average: Brad Peacock (2.42)

Saves: Ken Giles (4)

Innings Pitched: Charlie Morton (30.2)

Hits: Lance McCullers (32)

Earned Runs: Lance McCullers (20)

Home Runs: Charlie Morton (4)

Walks: Brad Peacock, Lance McCullers, Charlie Morton (11)

Strikeouts: Charlie Morton (32)

Walks Plus Hits Per Inning Pitched: Charlie Morton (0.946)

July: a month of injuries and Altuve.

Dallas Keuchel, of course, missed all of the month until a (brief) start on the final Friday.  Collin McHugh finally returned and made his first two starts of the year.  Will Harris missed a good chunk of the month.  But now, entering August, the pitching staff is more or less complete.  I had hoped that they would make an upgrade to the bullpen at the trade deadline.  I’m afraid Francisco Liriano won’t be enough, though at least they did not give up much to get him (and by losing Aoki created space for Fisher).  Sure, they've been overtaxed and that can explain some of their struggles, but they also are not quite good enough to go far in the playoffs, I fear.  We will see.

The most significant injury occurred on July 4.  Carlos Correa made an ill-advised slide into home, jamming his thumb on the catcher's leg.  He tried to play through it, including the All-Star Game, and even hit during .320 with three home runs in seven games during that time, but he eventually realized he needed to have it looked at.  Of course, this meant surgery, and perhaps two months out.  Thankfully the Astros are as deep as they have ever been, and some combination of Marwin Gonzalez and others will fill in (Colin Moran looked good in two games before he hurt himself and had to go on the DL).

Then most recently George Springer injured his leg running down a ball in the outfield.  He should only miss the minimum time.  As he said, it's better to miss 6 games now than 6 weeks later.

And through it all, the team has kept on chugging for the most part.  A large part of this is the monster month by Jose Altuve.  He had a month that few people have ever seen.  He has also cemented himself, or at least he should, at the top of the MVP list.

August outlook:  A homestand against the Rays and Blue Jays is followed by an eight game road trip to Chicago (where I will finally see them in person), Texas, and Arizona.  Then Arizona returns the favor with two games in Houston followed by three each against the A's and Nationals.  A quick trip to Anaheim and a three game stand hosting the Rangers finish the month.  Most of these matchups are winnable, though of course the Rays, Diamondbacks, and Nationals are all in playoff contention.  I will hope for a 16-12 month, though this might be the worst of the year.  Oh, and for those keeping score, I nailed last month’s prediction.

Overall Grade: B+

Ken Caminiti, A Tragic Hero

This weekend, Jeff Bagwell is finally inducted into the Hall of Fame, joining Craig Biggio as the big Killer B’s in the Hall.  I can’t help but think about my favorite Astro (not named Ryan) growing up, their teammate and friend Ken Caminiti.

Bagwell, Biggio, and Caminiti started at roughly the same time for the Astros, and formed the core of a great young team that never quite put it together.  It’s interesting that while Caminiti was perhaps the most heralded coming up, he obviously fell short of the other two in career accomplishments.  His is a tragic story, but it will never take away what he meant to me growing up.

I’m not really sure why I chose him as my favorite.  Caminiti was the best fielding third baseman I have ever seen.  He was not only a slick fielder, but also he had probably the strongest arm at third.  No one has ever made the diving stop into foul territory and cannon arm throw to get the guy at first like him.  It was poetry in motion.  Something that never got old.

He also was a huge guy.  Perhaps that why I was so impressed, because he was so intimidating.  I remember one particular brawl on the field where he flat out body slammed one of the enemy.  I would not have wanted to mess with him.  He was also one of the great bat-breakers in history.  It helps when you have legs the size of tree trunks.

He wasn’t a slouch offensively either, though he pales in comparison to his teammates.  Playing in the Astrodome for the first eight years of his career did not help.  It was always interesting to me that three years in a row, 1991-1993, he couldn’t break 13 home runs.  Finally he hit 18 in the strike-shortened 1994 season.  Of course after that season he was part of the huge trade sending him and Steve Finley among others to San Diego.  I liked him so much that the Padres immediately became my second favorite team.  That was when he finally started to show what he could do.  I would argue that his 1995 season was the most representative of what he could do (33 doubles, 26 home runs, 94 RBIs, .302/.380/.513).  Then in 1996, he exploded with a 40 home run season and a unanimous MVP.  He also led the Padres to the playoffs, and to the World Series in 1998.  He had two more good half seasons in Houston before injuries completely caught up with him and he had to retire in 2001.

Of course there are the unfortunate parts of his life.  He admitted to taking steroids during his MVP season.  He also had a lot of problems with drugs and alcohol.  Biggio and Bagwell, great teammates and friends, continued to try to help him, but the demons got to him.  Unfortunately he died in 2004 due to his drug habit.

But even so, I will never forget the great memories of watching him play.  There’s the famous Montezuma’s Revenge game in Mexico 1996 when he had to be hospitalized in the morning due to sickness, reportedly ate a Snickers bar, went to the ballpark, and hit two home runs.  

There’s the game when he returned to the Astros playing in then Enron Field.  The pitcher was 3-1 on him and I remember saying, “don’t groove a fastball or he’ll crush it.”  Of course, next pitch was a fastball down the heart of the plate and he crushed it down the right field line.  Called it!  (I believe it was April 8, 2000, which by the way was the only game Dwight Gooden ever started for the Astros.)  My brother will also talk about the game in the Astrodome when he came up with a man on third and two outs in a one-run game in the 9th for the Padres, and struck out.  I don’t care to remember that.  (May 23, 1998; the Astros had a two run home run in the bottom of the 8^th to take the lead.)

In the end, he was a troubled man, but I’ve only ever heard good things about him from his teammates.  They talk about his huge heart.  They talk about his greatness as a teammate.  They talk about his skill, especially defensively.  And that’s how I remember him.  A great ballplayer who made mistakes, but still brought a lot of happiness to his fans.  He is missed, but his memory lives on as his teammates and good friends are enshrined in Cooperstown.  They may have been better, but for at least one young 10 year old Houstonian, it was all about Cammy, #11.

My Vocation Story: Part 1 (Early Life-Grad School)

I was asked some time ago, by someone important, to write about something other than baseball and movies.  Someone else had told me, a couple of years ago, that I should write "the inside scoop" on seminary.  Well, I'm not going to go that far, especially since they say there are two things no one should know how they're made: sausages and priests, but I did figure that I could marry those two suggestions.  I figured I'd start what I hope to be a series of blogs about vocations and seminary, in case anyone wants to know more about that.  After all, one of the most frequent questions is: why would someone want to be a priest?

This first post is intended to be a glimpse at my process of getting to the seminary.  Some people may think all priests (or seminarians) have basically the same story.  In fact, as many seminarians and priests as there are, there are that many different stories.  I will say you can mostly group them into three camps: those who knew all their life and entered right out of high school, those who had an idea but still decided to try "real college" before seminary, and then there's the "late vocations," sometimes also called "second vocations."  These are the old, sometimes wise ones.  Sacred Heart Seminary and School of Theology, where I currently take classes in Milwaukee, specializes in these late vocations.

Ostensibly I fall into the third category, though not perfectly.  Despite what those at St. Francis might say, I'm on the lower end of the "late vocations," since most are in their 40s or 50s.  So for that group I'm young, though for many seminarians I'm old.  As usual, I don't fit in.

This is kind of getting besides the point.  How did I get to the seminary?  Why did I go to the seminary?  Good questions.

Let me begin by saying, I never, until very recently, thought about being a priest.  Growing up, I never thought beyond baseball.  I still rarely do.  I think the earliest I ever declare a future job was when I was about 5 years old I told my mom at Daily Mass that I wanted to be a doctor "so I could help people."  I don't know what that was about.  I remember saying it, but I don't remember thinking it.  I certainly moved away from the doctor thing quickly, since the sight, or even thought, of blood and other bodily fluids makes me queasy.  My sister got all of those genes. 

But, there's another detail in there that may be important: Daily Mass.  My mom took me every day until I started school.  So going to Church was normal for me.  It also led to a kind of funny side note, though seminarian me kind of cringes when I tell this story.  I had my first Communion at a very early age.  You see, I grew up in Houston, in the 80s.  They were (very unfortunately) very loose about things back then.  There was no tabernacle in the church (sigh) so after Mass the "extra" consecrated hosts were brought into the sacristy.  Did I mention my mom was a sacristan?  In any case, one day I found myself, hungry, in the sacristy.  I was tall enough to reach the counter, so I'm guessing I was around 5 (there's that age again).  I was hungry, I saw food, so I started eating.  After consuming a couple, my mom walked in, saw what was happening, and quickly made me stop.  The holy side of the story is: I could not wait to receive the Body of Christ.  The unfortunate side of the story is: I was able to do it in the first place.

I digress again.  As I said, I grew up very close to the Church, but in some ways it was so "normal" that I never really thought about it.  I never thought about being a priest, largely because I wanted to be like my dad and have my own family.  So that's how I went through the next twenty years or so: marriage was my only option. 

I eventually realized I would never be a baseball player, and being a manager was a long shot.  I had to think about something else.  I still don't really know how I decided on history, though the best explanation I can give is that I like my AP US History course (which was taught by my baseball coach).  In any case, when it came time to decide on college, I settled on history.  I also thought about theatre, and even auditioned for and received a theatre scholarship to the University of Dallas.  This was THE SCHOOL my mom wanted me to go to.  It's Catholic, and pretty solid at that, and nearly every student spent one semester studying in Rome (I could have met St. JPII).  The history program was pretty good, I had the theatre scholarship, and there was a chance I could walk-on the Division II baseball team.  It seems like the perfect fit!  But yet, on the last day I could choose, I went with Texas A&M.  I don't really have a good reason why, except that at the time I was working at Texas Roadhouse in College Station, with a bunch of Aggies, and I got swept up in the Spirit of Aggieland.  It can do that to you.

I am happy to say that, unlike the majority of "kids these days," I continued to go to Mass every Sunday.  It helped that St. Mary's is a pretty awesome place.  That being said, I do have to admit that many times it was out of obligation, or maybe guilt, more than "want to."  What I'm trying to say is that I was not exactly the best Catholic.  I started dating a girl in Houston, and it got pretty serious.  If you know me well, you know that it was serious enough that we got engaged.  For my 3.5 years at A&M, I essentially went home to Houston every other weekend, so I never really got into the St. Mary's scene.  Shortly before I graduated, we broke up, and I prepared to move on to grad school (and of course it was that easy to move on). 

This meant a move all the way to the University of North Texas in Denton.  During my two years there, I had a bit of a conversion experience.  By that I mean, something happened that made me take my faith more seriously, and Sunday Mass became less an obligation and more something I wanted to do.  During one of the summers, one of my best friends convinced me to go to Aggie Awakening.  So you see, while I was at A&M, I never even bothered to go, that's how out of the scene I was.  In any case, I went with an open mind.  I'm glad I did, because it remains one of the most important weekends of my life.  It was largely a "right place, right time" retreat for me.  I felt much closer to my faith, and realized I had to take it seriously.

I then moved on to Auburn University, and I actually went out of my way to become more involved in Church (difficult for my extreme introversion).  Even though I was already one of the "old ones," I got involved in the vibrant college student group.  (Another side note: by "vibrant" I mean, from a relatively small group, we have at least three religious sisters, one religious brother, and I believe four seminarians/priests from my time there.)  It was a very good group, with some people I wish I had got to know even better.  I also started to attend Daily Mass fairly frequently, eventually became the sacristan for our Thursday evening Mass, and was part of one of the two Sunday night Mass choirs for five years.  Despite all of this, I never once thought about being a priest.  It was still marriage or nothing.  I did, however, start to think about perhaps becoming a permanent deacon one day (the old "best of both worlds" falsity). 

During my time at Auburn, I was blessed with the chance to travel to Europe for my dissertation research.  I was studying the Mission Control Centers of the United States and European space programs, and needed to travel to each of them for research.  Houston was easy, California was a quick flight, and I also drove to D.C. for the National Archives (a great trip in itself).  The European leg consisted of three main stops.  First, I had to go to Paris to visit the European Space Agency Headquarters and archives.  I had never been that interested in going to Paris, except maybe to see Versailles and Normandy.  Instead, I loved my time there, and did not see either of those (meaning I need to return).  Next was the actual control center in Darmstadt, Germany.  It's a small city south of Frankfurt.  It is definitely not a tourist stop.  The final necessary stop was Florence, the home of the official archives for ESA.  I had not thought much about Florence before, except that I knew there was obviously a lot of history there.  If I fell in love with Paris, I don' t know what to say about Florence.  It is by far my favorite city I have ever visited.  The most meaningful stop for me was in the church of Santa Maria Novella, near the train station (and my apartment).  While I was looking around, completely blown away, I decided to sit down for a little while to take it all in.  At that moment, I felt completely at peace, as never before.  At the time, I took it as consolation of my faith, and an increased desire to serve the Church in some way (as a married man).  Looking back, it was probably my first real pull towards the seminary, but again, I did not see it as such at the time.

Oh by the way, while in Florence I met up with a couple of friends, and we took a side trip to Venice (disappointing, the city, not the company).  Also, while planning my trip, I decided: I'm so close to Rome, I can't NOT go there.  So I tacked on a few days at the end to visit Rome.  To be honest, after Florence I was not that impressed with Rome (but not the Vatican, that was amazing, especially the Sistine Chapel-Last Judgment!).  I need to go back to better appreciate it.