Picking up where
I left off…
I returned to
Auburn and completed my PhD in May 2012.
I was now in my second year of trying to find full time employment, and
nothing was happening. Over three years,
I applied to over 200 jobs and got a total of 2 interviews. That's how bad it is in academy. So I spent a year teaching part time at
various colleges in Alabama and Georgia, including one north of Atlanta, about
2 hours away. Nothing much else
happened, until Christmas 2012. I
visited my parents as usual in Houston.
Then, out of nowhere, after a couple of daily Masses, two separate
elderly women asked me if I had thought about being a priest. When the first one asked, I basically laughed
and said, no, not for me. When the
second one asked, I paused for a minute and thought, actually I never have
really thought about it. Thus began what
I always call "the voice that wouldn't go away." Now actually, this wasn't the first time a
little old lady had asked me. I remember
one time in Auburn meeting a Daily Mass goer at the grocery store and she asked
me then, but again I simply laughed and said no. I always tell this story in my vocation talks
so that people know, sometimes it's good to ask the question, especially if no
one else has asked. (Side note: my mom
had been putting it in my ear for a few years.
"You know, if you want a job, there's always one open to
you." "Yeah mom, not for
me." She will tell you, I never
listen to her until someone else says the same thing.)
I began to think
about it a bit more. In the spring, I
went on a "come and see" excursion to a seminary in Louisiana. This actually was a step back. I felt completely out of place, for a couple
of reasons. For one, it seemed like
everyone else there knew they were going to be priests. I had to room with two other guys I didn't
know, and the first question they asked me was: which diocese are you applying
for? Um, sorry, I'm just here to check
it out. Second, the guys were just so young. It was a college seminary, so it was like
spending a weekend with my students. I
came back pretty sure I wasn't going to go to the seminary.
But I wasn't
completely shut off. I also attended a
"thinking about the priesthood" day at the parish. It was pretty good, with a handful of
priests, seminarians, and the bishop.
The theme was fear. Everyone has
fears about applying to the seminary and being a priest. Their goal was to talk about those fears and
dispel them. It was actually a good
experience.
I talked to a
number of priests I knew. They were
encouraging. In the end, I took the
advice of my pastor. Don't rush into
it. Take a year to do what you want to
do (i.e. teach) and pray about it. Ok, I
can do that. (Another side note: this
was all going on during the time of Pope Benedict's resignation and the
conclave. In fact, I was meeting with my
pastor when the white smoke appeared. I
remember distinctly before the meeting we talked about the fact that a vote was
going on, but that a decision probably wouldn't happen. HA! I
ended up sticking around the parish watching the TV with a couple of other
random people who were around until the announcement of Pope Francis. It was an interesting experience.)
So I had a plan,
but I had no job. I couldn't not afford
to keep doing what I was doing (part-time jobs, even four of them, don't pay
much), so I was going to have to move back home and teach part time in
Houston. Of course I could only find one
job there, so I was going to have to figure out something else for income. Here's your typical PhD, working at a book
store/fast food restaurant. Then, a
slight miracle happened. Less than a
month before the fall semester was to start, and about two weeks before I was
to move, I got a call from a university I didn't even remember applying
to. Grand Valley State University had
one last full time position (three year renewable) open. Was I interested? Of course! I quickly hopped on a
plane, met with them, found an apartment, and flew back to finish packing. (This was the great trip where I lost my
driver's license at airport security. Do
you know how hard it is to travel without one?
It makes getting a rental car impossible, so I had to bum a ride from
the chair of the department to find an apartment. Luckily I had a picture student ID to get on
the plane.)
Thus we
transition to my discernment year. Let
me start by saying that I absolutely fell in love with Grand Rapids. This despite the 114 inches of snow we got
that winter, and the two full weeks of below zero temperatures. It's a very nice city, just the right size,
with everything you need. And it only
takes twenty minutes to get anywhere. By
that I mean it literally takes twenty minutes to get somewhere, no matter how
far or how close. It's weird like
that. I also loved the university and
the department. I loved teaching. I was finally doing exactly what I wanted to
do. I was able to work sparingly on
turning my dissertation into a book, getting the publication lined up, while
starting on my next research project (I'm keeping that secret, since I'd still
kind of like to do it in my massive spare time.) All things considered, I was extremely happy
and had no reason to change, unless I found a tenured position.
I did not forgo
my promise to spend the year discerning, however. After a lengthy search, I finally found a
good parish for me (St. John Vianney, of course). The pastor agreed to be my spiritual
director. He encouraged me to have a
weekly Holy Hour at a perpetual adoration chapel on the other side of town
(that meant I had to really want to go).
I began to read Thomas Kempis' Imitation
of Christ (that's a doozy, every time I picked it up, it was exactly what I
needed). For some reason, even though I
loved what I was doing, that voice would not stop. Sometime shortly after Christmas, I came to
the realization, with my spiritual director, that the only way I could know
would be to try it.
This was not an
easy realization. The biggest hang up
for me was that it had taken three years to find a full time job, doing what I
wanted to do at a good school in a nice area.
I had to "break through" the ego and realize that, even if I
discerned out, something good would come from my time in the seminary. (I didn't break my ego that much. My rationalization was that if I discerned
out, the time in the seminary would help me get a job at a Catholic
college. No joke.)
Thus, I began to
look into seminary. The problem was,
since I had moved around so much, I did not really feel as though I had a
"home diocese." (For those who
are not Catholic, a diocese is essentially a governing district, centered
around a city, with a bishop as the head.
Sometimes they are big; the whole state of South Carolina is the Diocese
of Charleston; sometimes they are small; the Archdiocese of Washington, D.C. is
D.C. and some of the surrounding area.
Archdiocese is simply a "more significant" diocese in the
region.) I had most recently lived the longest
in the Diocese of Mobile, but that did not appeal to me. Since I really liked Grand Rapids, I decided
to meet with the vocations director. He
was very nice, certainly willing to talk with me, but he voiced a concern from
experience. He had originally studied
for another diocese, before realizing he needed to be closer to home and
transferring to Grand Rapids. He told me
I needed to go home, be near family. If
that didn't work out, then he would be willing to talk.
I took his
advice, and contacted the Archdiocese of Galveston-Houston, home for my
parents. Over spring break, I flew home
to meet with them. I began the
application process, and had everything in relatively quickly. I flew home another time for my official
interview, and was accepted. In the
fall, I would begin seminary. I'm kind
of rushing through this, but will go into more detail about the application
process and some thoughts on discernment the next time.
